The point in the night has arrived where I feel too tired to be overwhelmed and negative about anything, so I come to my blog to record my superficial joy. I'm finishing my intro, which was due two days ago now. I have four or so pages left. The fact is I'm real slow about most things, especially writing. I love it so I resist it, that's my way. Resistance lives underneath love's skin, and it's always making noise.

I hate using "I" so much in my writing. I want to just get over myself, or if I can't do that, at least hide the I's a little more cleverly.

I am having an affair with a real cute girl. My boyfriend knows about it, so it's not really an affair. Also, it's a little too mild to be called an affair. We only kiss and cuddle. Vernacular, inspire me with new words for new things.

Speaking of boyfriend, he is my boyfriend still after almost a year, proving that I'm not as emotionally dysfunctional and commitment-phobic as I once thought I was. We're going on a road trip after I graduate. To California. I've never seen the ocean, and I'm almost 23. This has to stop. I once almost stepped in the Mediterranean Sea off the coast of Nice, France, but I was too shy to be the only one to take my shoes off in the April cold. Does that count as the ocean? Avi and I are going to swim in the ocean. I'm going to get salt water in my mouth, which I'm looking forward to because I love salt and the ocean is so old and full of the world. The possibility of undertow scares me. I hope the force of my dog paddle will save me. Don't fight it, people tell me. We're visiting redwoods, too. I'm going to be dwarfed by so many things; I can't wait.

In other news, this video is interesting for a reason I can't articulate. Maybe it's less than interesting; maybe it's just hot and stupid and I don't know how to say that without saying it's interesting.


I just realized that it's been one month since we put PJ down. I still cry when I think about it.